M+A=T-H

The day I start and complete my math assignment without a single interruption is the day pigs will fly.

“If pigs could fly, this town would be an airport.”

That’s a slightly humorous bumper sticker I saw somewhere. And there  goes my phone ringing, and there’s an interesting blog post to look at…hmmm, should I check out Freshly Pressed? Can you say ADD? Say, who discovered ADD? Wikipedia, here we go. Oh, wow, check out that ad! I always wanted an ENDLESS SWIMMING POOL! Dang!

This list of important things to do is simply endless, especially because it is created quite spontaneously, and only while I am contemplating mathematical figures.

I read a cute poem somewhere that describes my predicament nearly perfectly:

“I meant to do my work today,
But a brown bird sang in the apple tree,
And a butterfly flitted across the field,
And all the leaves were calling me.
And the wind went sighing over the land,
Tossing the grasses to and fro,
And a rainbow held out its shining hand,
So what could I do but laugh and go?”

— Richard LeGallienne

Now, if you’ll just let me make some subtle editing, ignoring all copyrights, naturally, then you might find the following to be slightly more fitting:

“I meant to do my math today,
After my online shopping spree,
An advertisement flitted across the screen,
And my texts beckoned seductively.
And my iPod was playing in my ear,
As I Wiki-d stuff I HAD to know,
And my blog was crying pitifully
So what could I do but click and go?”

–UnravelMyThoughts

Funny, isn’t it? I actually like Richie’s poem better. I’d much rather procrastinate in the great outdoors, shooting hoops, watching sunsets, gazing at trees…Google is so not cool compared to G-d’s Great Outdoors.

I want to be free from this math, this laptop, this screen. I want to soar away from the evil constraints of algebraic expressions, dangerously mixed with my tired little brain. I wish to leap and skip about like a child, with innocence and pure joy, to fly through the clear skies of freedom (I am not a pig) instead of staring at empty textbook words all day long.

But, alas, I must sit and stare and slog through this boring account of The Autobiography of Numbers:

“I met my variable  some negative years ago, after living parallel lives for a long time. We were both quite happy to be placed together under the loving warmth of parentheses. We multiplied quickly at first but soon divided, because one of us was being irrational, slightly odd, even, and claimed that the square roots refused to function the way they should.

It was a sad, dismal time for us both, and as I walked the number line of despair, depression and distress, someone pointed out that I had too many unsolved problems, and they were increasing exponentially.

I decided to write this book in the hopes that high school students everywhere would help solve some of my problems, thus rounding off their educational abilities.

I understand that this may annoy some of them, as I go on forever and can never, ever be extinguished. However, these students rely on me for so many things in their lives; it’s only fare that they should help make things equal.

In conclusion, I must give some sage advice: Never add 2 and 2 and come up with 5, as that would be the biggest insult you could give me! But if you baked a Pi for me, the way my dear Aunt Sally used to, well, that might change my expression!”

Hey, extra CREDIT to anyone that can COUNT all 25 (slightly) hidden allusions to Numbers/Math!!

Anyways, once all those numbers are oozing out of my brain, I might as well go finish that assignment. Maybe tomorrow pigs will fly.

Thanks for reading! Comment below!

Keep UNraveling!

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3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Muser
    Dec 29, 2011 @ 03:46:08

    They said there’d be a black president when pigs would fly. Well, Obama became president, and the swine flu. 😀

    Ooh! Fun challenge! Okay. 1) variable 2) negative years ago 3) parallel 4) parentheses 5) multiplied 6) divided 7) irrational 8) odd 9) even 10) square roots 11) function 12) number line 13) unsolved problems 14) exponentially 15) solve some of my problems 16) rounding off 17) I go on forever (infinity) 18) fare (because . . . money is math) 19) equal 20) never add 2 and 2 and come up with 5 21) Pi 22) my dear Aunt Sally 23) expression

    Oh, dear. I’m missing 2 of them. Unless the 2+2=5 thing counts as three separate ones?

    Reply

  2. unravelmythoughts
    Dec 30, 2011 @ 13:50:28

    OMG! You ROCK! MUSER! I love how you counted all those ya little rascal you actually made me re-count them bec i didn’t write myself a little note about it or anything…
    OK, you are correct up until number 17, which I didn’t include, and instead, number 15 is really counted as 2 according to me, “Solve” and “problems” but either way is really fine. I also counted the word “increase” as in, “increase exponentially” because increasing is math, right? But either way is fine.
    The last two are actually REALLY easy and the way I just wrote this sentance is a hint; good luck!

    Reply

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