Midnight Rambles; Raving Mad

01 07 11 Tardis bag rides again

Image by Kikishua via Flickr

I’m flossing my teeth as I type these words when my cell phone rings.

Quickly tapping “answer”, I use my elbow to adjust the phone into the nook of my shoulder.

“Hey,” I say, continuing to type.

“Hey, you, what’s UP?” A voice exclaims. “I’ve been trying your house phone; no one ever picks up!”

I snort. “Duh. What do you expect? Why did you call my house, anyways?”

“Well, I’ve been trying to get in touch with you- I don’t have your cell number! It’s getting ridiculous, you know?”

“Are you serious?” I nearly drop my floss. My attention is now completely undivided. “I thought I texted it to you ages ago!”

“Yeah, to my old number. Couldn’t transfer contacts…long story. So, can I have your number?”

“Of course!” I proceed to tell her my number, make her swear to text me, and then ring off.

Back to this blog. Oh, I love writing!

Wait, I hear something. My mom is coming up the stairs. There’s a knock on my door and a moment later I hear her voice say,

“Come in”.

My mother enters wearily. “What are you up to, sweetie?”

“Oh, just blogging.” I respond, throwing my string of floss into the garbage.

“There’s no liner in there, you know.” My mom comments.

“I know. I forget to put one in, and then when the can is full, I have to transfer the garbage into a clean liner, then get another clean one to use for the future…I hate wasting trash liners.”

“Oh, I get it.” My mom looks tired. “Listen, there’s a lady outside who wants to speak with you.”

“Really?” I look out my window. Sure enough, there she is.

I head outside, thoughts flying through my head. Who can this be?

“Hello, I’m B.B.” She extends her hand expectantly.

“Oh, I don’t shake” I respond, looking her up and down.

Her arms are crossed over her chest confidently, as are all of her legs. She seems to have just taken her hair out of curlers; it’s all stiff and poofy; manufactured curls.

“I never heard of such a thing. WELL!” she harrumphs. “How old are you, girl?”

“Uh, 16?”

“Hmmph. You look kind of young for your age. Listen, you ever been to the South Side?”

“Ah…” I try to think. Her perfume is intoxicating…and not exactly in the way you’re thinking of.

“OH!” I exclaim, as a wave of oxygen from a slight breeze enters my brain and causes it to move. “Yeah, I’ve been to the South Side. I spent a month there one night.”

B.B. smiles. “Perfect.” She shows her pearly blacks.

“I’m looking to hire a chick like yourself…care to make some quick cash?”

“Care of myself, heck yeah!”

She smiles again. “Just what I thought. Come with me.”

I look at her car. “never ride with strangers” flashes through my brain.

“What was that light?” She asks, alarmed.

“Hmm?” I’m puzzled.

“This light just, like, flashed through your head” she says, confused.

I raise my eyebrows, then tell her I’d rather not accompany her to the South Side.

“Hmmph. Well, I never.” She mutters.

“Yep.” I grin. “And don’t ever…nope, not ever.”

I’m back inside before the echo of her slammed car door reverberates through the air.

Back at my desk, I read a text from my friend. A different one, this time.

“Did you see that picture of us? I’m too tall for everyone!”

She’s the shortest of all of us. ur tall asa tree….stump: )

I text her back.

She cracks up. She has the cutest laugh, my friend. I giggle along with her.

A few moments later, I hear the house phone ring, and, wondering if it’s my friend, I rush to get it.

I’m halfway down the stairs when my cell phone, back upstairs, starts to harmonize.

I turn, take a step up, but think, “No, get the house phone!”

So I take a step back down. My brain hasn’t proccessed which I want to do, and I am see-sawing between the two steps, which isn’t safe, in case you weren’t aware. I trip and land on my butt.

Frustrated, I swipe off the dirt and stand up to silence. The phones have stopped ringing. Great.

Then applause breaks out as the audience screams with laughter, shouting my name, with tears streaming down their faces.

I head back up to my room.

What a day.

 

 

 

Keep UNraveling!

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6 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. malka ambrose
    Sep 21, 2011 @ 07:21:56

    i dont get what happened…. what did B.B want, and why is everyone crying?

    Reply

    • unravelmythoughts
      Sep 22, 2011 @ 11:40:06

      I guess I can very gently say that this post is a piece of fiction, and contains many crazy, nonsensical sentences. It’s kind of a trick story; things like, “you’re pretty YOUNG for your AGE” may be obvious, but “using elbow to adjust phone in shoulder” which is physically impossible, is less noticeable. I love these types of quotes and situations, and one of the reasons I posted this is to see how many people catch it.

      So, to answer your questions, what B.B. wamted is irrelevant, it is the actual conversation that matters, and the “audience” is crying from laughter.

      Don’t bust a gut over it…maybe try some different posts; they might be more up your ally!
      Thanks for stopping by and reading!

      Reply

  2. eternalabsurdity
    Sep 22, 2011 @ 18:53:43

    ^^ That helped… Me now thinks me stoopid x(
    But I went back and reread it and now it’s freakin brilliant!

    Reply

  3. Susan J. Flyweel
    Sep 23, 2011 @ 09:26:32

    OMG, that was GREAT! I nearly died laughing, but thankfully I didn’t. Well, obviously I didn’t. Otherwise I wouldn’t be writing this comment. Or would I…
    Do gilgulim get Wi-Fi?

    Reply

  4. Muser
    Dec 28, 2011 @ 06:20:00

    Ha ha! Bouncing back and forth between steps and then falling because you can’t make up your mind about whether to answer the house phone or the cell? That’s epic. However did you come up with such an amusing situation?!

    Reply

    • unravelmythoughts
      Dec 30, 2011 @ 14:03:46

      Aside from the fact it happens more often than not? Um…I’ve got this Divine Inspiration when it comes to writing, I guess. It’s genetic, ya know. It all started when my great-great grandma…

      Reply

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