Grateful

Haven’t been able to go on this site off my computer; long story. But I found this post saved as a draft from about  a week or two ago. Sorry to all you with bated breath, I’ll try and post more often! *Cough cough* I’m not feeling so great, but anyways. Read on, my friends!
Whoa! How miraculous are G-ds ways!
(When I mention G-d, I refer to the the Creator of the world, and not some long-dead guy who thought he was a god. He isn’t, wasnt, and never will be. I’m not Christian, Muslilm or a Buddhist, or an Aethiest, now that I think of it. I’m Jewish. Just clarifying. And I don’t mean to insult anyone’s intelligence, just their religion. Ha ha.)
Just last night, I was trying to unravel my bad sleep habits of three oclock in the morning bedtime, and so I was lying solemnly, blissfully awake, at midnight. I couldn’t sleep, more out of habit than anything.
I stared up at the ceiling, closed my eyes, rolled over, and then opened my eyes again.
“Restless” is not an oxymoron; I could not sleep.
Finally, I drifted off into a sort of trance like state, and that’s where some of my crazy thoughts began.
“Did you know,” I asked myself, “that the human brain is like, the only thing in the world that constantly tries to figure itself out? Think about it. A tree is a tree is a tree, and the same goes for a monkey and a pen. They are no more than they are. Even the smartest of animals which can be trained to do human like things, is not normally caught trying to study itself.”
My train of thought had totally left the station by this point, and was almost flying off the tracks.
“But the human brain, or at least my brain, is always wondering, curious, how it works, why things happen…”
The list is endless, right? We humans are always looking for ways to improve, re-invent ourselves, make new things, make life better, easier, funner, richer, plastic-ier, etc.
And that brain of ours…
Here my thoughts took a sudden tight turn.
“My brain? Help! In all the pictures it looks like a bunch of gooey, globby red and blue stuff, attatched by more globby stuff, and it’s all scrunched together and packed into this hard white thing with two holes for eyes. Are you telling me that that thing is what makes me think?! That is what causes bits of English and scents and emotions and images and fantasies and all sorts of abstract idiocy to float through my “head”? Whatever my head is?”
My brain recoiled- ha ha- at the alarming-ness of it all. And that was about when I realized, that if I can’t even understand the most important part of myself, then there is no way in the universe that I can understand G-d.
I mean, that realization that scrunched up bits of gunk can produce some of the worlds smartest people, brought me to the conclusion that there is a G-d.
Screw aethiests. Sorry, but there is no way in my scrunched mind that there is no G-d.
I think my whole conversation with myself started with thoughts about G-d, about how and why…
I think I realized that once I can’t understand myself, no way in heck can I understand the One who made me.
I just realized where the word “awesome” came from.
When you’ve got some awe in your emotions, that’s “awesome”. Although the correct word would really be “awe-great” or something along those lines.
Anyways. I would be interested if anyone knows of anyone who doesn’t believe that there’s any One who created everyone, to please give me their arguments. (LOL. And if you’re slow, that means, bring it on, Atheists!)
Not that I know everything. How could I, when I just described my brain in such modest terms? But I’m curious, how can someone deny G-d?
Oh, I can really answer that. They want to avoid responsibility and yada yada yada. Even though that’s kind of like biting the hand that feeds you, isn’t it?
Ouch.
Anyways, a touch of something personal here that sparked me to write this post, because the whole thing about last night just scrambled up from nowhere…
Basically, today I prayed to G-d, which I try to do every day, and do not always succeed in doing. But today was a great day, thank G-d, because I prayed.
During the Silent Recitation or whatever the English version of Shmoneh Esrai is, there’s this one part where I talk to G-d, and that’s in Shma Koleinu (Hear our Voices).
I don’t mean mumbling bits of ancient Hebrew phrase, I mean having a One-on-one conversation with Him.
And one of the things I asked for, was that He help me to chill about making money (I like $$$!!!!) and help me to trust in Him, because it’s all from Him, it’s all for my good, and if I have money, it’s because He decreed it, and same goes for if I’m bankrupt.
Slightly reassuring.
So anyways, when I had finished praying, I went to this babysitting job I had, and I babysat for a cute family for about four hours.
I hadn’t been home for more than two minutes when a close family friend came by with a Chanuka gift for my sister and I-some hard cash.
It took me about two minutes to realize, after counting my accumalated money, that I had been pretty chill about the greenbacks, and that G-d had answered my prayers. As always, when I least expect it.
Not only that, but last night, two Meshulachim (charity collectors) came by my house.
The first one, claiming to be very sick, with a description to match, made me feel bad enought that I ran upstairs and got him a five dollar bill from my Maaser (tithe, ten percent of all income is given to charity) fund. Technically, it was already designated to Tzedaka (charity) but still, this was an actual act of giving.
Then, the next guy came two minutes later.
I was in a lousy mood because of something that had been going on, and I apologized to him, saying my parents weren’t available.
He didn’t really believe me, because, let’s be honest, one guy gets a five and the other gets none? All within two minutes; no one had let the house. But finally I convinced him, and he was all brokenhearted, slumping pitifully away.
Of course, I had the brazeness to call out “Hatzlocha!” (Success/good luck) after him, and I felt totally bad afterwards. I could have ran upstairs and given him money, but I had just done that two minutes ago, plus I was in a bad mood, so I just didn’t have the interest.
I asked G-d to give me a chance to fix that.
I think He gave it to me, by giving me all this money. Normally I only give Maaser on work money, not gifts, but I realized I should probably change that, and so I did.
Another cool thing is that just like I give ten percent of earnings to charity, well, I gave five dollars yesterday, and if you multiply that by ten, that’s how much I got today!
Kinda cool, the way G-d always comes full circle, no?
You know what, I was always skeptical about these stories.
“Yeah, right. G-d only does that to him!”
“Puh-leez, they totally made that up on the spot because they were working against a deadline or something.”
Yeah, well, that can definitly be true, but blogging doesn’t have a deadline, so you can’t use that one on me.
And G-d definitly doesn’t do it only to me, but you might not notice it.
That’s really all it is. Noticing the miracles in our lives, and attributing them to G-d. Because once we do that, everything is miraculous, and a gift to G-d, from Him to us.
Think about it:
Anyone reading this has a functioning brain, (I hope) which is basically a squished up organ inside a skull. That’s a miracle. Every time you blink, because the harsh computer light invented by some other squished up brain hurts your eyes, that is another miracle.
Life is a miracle.
Every one says babies are miracles, and they are. So, we were all babies, right? When do we stop being miracles? Never. We are miracles; living proof of G-d’s Handiwork.
Miracles don’t come around without SomeOne to make them.
This is one of the most delicate, intricate and beautfiul things I have discovered about the circle of Life.
Think about it.
Seriously, when you’re trying to fight insomnia, and you’re getting to know the sheep by name, try thinking…about your brain.
Keep UNraveling
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5 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. temimagirl
    Dec 24, 2010 @ 07:25:03

    whoa!!! rena this was your best post ever!! it was so inspiring and hilarious at the same time!! i wish everyone i knew had a blog b/c then i could see what their thinking!!

    Reply

  2. Susan J. Flyweel
    Dec 24, 2010 @ 09:49:28

    Wow, this is kinda how I think sometimes. It just makes more sense coming from you. 😛

    Reply

  3. loser
    Dec 26, 2010 @ 10:10:47

    Ha…your scrunched mind. I like that.

    Speaking of insomnia and theology, did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac? He stayed up all night wondering if there really was a dog.

    On a more serious note, this was a really nice, inspiring post. Thanks for it. And I love and respect you for the way you’re not afraid to be so openly spiritual. Ren… you rock.

    Reply

  4. ellbrbee
    Dec 28, 2010 @ 01:33:37

    Great post! Love the way you talk to your peoples:P

    Reply

  5. e
    Jan 06, 2011 @ 09:16:01

    Can you explain to me why I got an email saying that you posted a new post when you didn’t? It is really confusing!

    Reply

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